


Ruined

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Angst, Canon, Drama, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Season/Series 01, Unsafe Sex, What-If, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-09-20
Updated: 2009-02-22
Packaged: 2018-12-26 23:22:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 9
Words: 17,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12069054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Just when he thinks he has it all figured out, the man of his dreams, and acceptance into the school of his dreams, something happens that forces him to re-evaluate his entire life. Unfortunately, Justin finds out that there are worse thing than a bat to the head.





	1. Prom

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

 

Justin whirled away from Brian, singing under his breath; he was so happy. He knew that, although Brian may still not have been ready to say the words ‘I love you’ he had shown them with his actions that night. He glanced back at the black Jeep that held his lover for a moment, a radiant smile on his face, the one that earned him the name ‘Sunshine.’ Then he spun away again, his thoughts centered on the most incredible moment of his life.

From the moment Justin had turned around, after a nudge from his best friend, he had felt his world shift; his lover was there…for him. When Brian had finally reached the two friends, the conversation was a blur in Justin’s mind from the second it had begun. All he could do was follow along, his entire being wrapped up in his feelings for his older lover. The next thing Justin knew, he and Brian were on the dance floor, which had immediately cleared for the two of them. Somewhere in his mind he knew that most of the people had left the floor because they didn’t want to share it with the ‘fags,’ but somehow it didn’t matter to him.The two men danced together perfectly as they both knew they would, having spent many nights at Brian

’s loft, dancing in front of the big windows, after pushing the furniture out of the way. They moved with the grace and elegance that only true partners could ever achieve as they spun and dipped their way around the room. Justin could feel many eyes on them throughout the whole dance, some hateful and contemptuous but others admiring and envious. These looks didn’t really penetrate his consciousness though; he was so wrapped up in his feelings of love for Brian.

Although he wanted nothing more than to jump into Brian’s Jeep and head out for a night of loving, he now walked away from him to get Daphne. She had actually been his date, and he couldn’t desert her. As Justin prepared to turn the corner that would lead him to the door back inside, he heard the Jeep finally leave its parking space. He smiled to himself at the fact that Brian had waited to make sure he was alright before leaving. Laughing quietly, Justin thought that his lover might have just been watching his ass as he walked away.

“Hey Taylor.” came a voice that Justin was glad he’d never have to worry about hearing again as soon as school was over.

“Hobbs.” Justin said dryly, after having looked around to make sure none of Chris’s friends were with him. He figured that Chris being here meant he was going to pay for daring to dance with a guy at the prom. So he was relieved that he would only have to take on Chris and not all his football buddies.

“This is your fault.” was hissed in Justin’s face, a second before he felt his body slam against the wall behind him. For a second Justin wondered why Chris had chosen to justify beating on him. He never remembered Chris doing it before, but then he felt a hand on his shirt and all thoughts immediately left his mind.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Justin cried out in confusion, smacking the offending hand away, his brain refusing to believe what was right before his eyes.

Justin was shoved back once again, feeling the rough edges of the wall biting into his skin through his shirt; the impact had been considerably harder this time. Justin shook when he heard the edge in Chris’s voice as it snarled, “I’m going to fuck you. You know you want it. You’re the one who made me want this.”

“Chris, you don’t want to do this,” Justin protested once again, pushing the other boy away. “You’re straight.” he insisted, even though he knew it wasn’t true and had known it for a long time.

“Of course I am, you little queer,” was the answer he got. “This is just because of what you did.” The desperation he heard in the voice made him tremble in fear. The fear increased exponentially when his shirt was ripped open, the buttons popping off almost all the way down.

“No!” Justin screamed, trying not only to get Chris to stop with the force in his voice but also hoping to draw attention to them.

Justin cringed as “Shut the fuck up!” was bellowed in his ear but that didn’t stop his protests or struggles. He felt sweat popping out all over his skin and knew that the harsh handling he was receiving would leave him numerous, painful bruises, but still he continued to fight.After another rip, Justin felt his silk shirt hanging from his shoulders, and the cool air in the garage sailing across his skin only made his panic much worse. He was pushing his attacker

’s chest until he felt hands on the buttons of his pants. The fear of what was to come pulled a scream from his lips, and he reached down automatically fighting Chris’s hand.

Justin managed to keep Chris from undoing his pants three times, but then a hand grabbed his chin, and he felt his head slam back against the wall. He stopped struggling immediately, the force of the blow against the rough concrete caused flashes of light to flicker behind his eyelids. There was nothing he could do as pain exploded through his head over and over as it was jerked back and slammed into the wall repeatedly. His vision was blurring, and he felt the darkness creeping in from the edges of his eyesight. Justin felt a wetness on the back of his head and imagined the wall must be smeared with his blood. 

As soon as Justin stopped struggling, he felt hands at his pants again, and within seconds they were open, his brain too fuzzy for him to offer any resistance. Next, he felt his zipper sliding down and the friction against his skin as his pants were pushed to below his knees. Before he could form the protest that was on his lips, the world spun for him as he was turned quickly to face the wall. His eyes barely open, Justin saw the deep red stain on the light gray bricks and knew that his face was now pressed into his blood. He tried struggling again, but with his head still spinning and his vision blurry, he felt as helpless as a small child.

Now with his back towards his assailant, he felt the added pressure of a arm laid across his shoulders, and felt Chris reach between them. Justin’s mind knew what the other boy was doing, but he wouldn’t allow himself to accept it until he felt naked flesh press up against his. Justin started struggling even more now, even though with every move he made he felt like he was going to lose consciousness. Once he realized that he couldn’t stop Chris, he implored for the only thing he had left.

“Condom,” Justin mumbled in a pleading tone. He knew now that he wouldn’t be able to fight the football player off, so he begged for the concession. The blood was running down his head onto his neck, chilling him. As more time passed, he felt himself losing his feeble hold on consciousness. 

“What the fuck? It’s not like I’m going to knock your ass up,” rang in his ear a moment before Justin felt an extreme pressure at his tight, unprepared hole. He didn’t have time to protest as he felt the dick trying to make its way inside of him.

Justin screamed with everything he had left in him as the other boy tried to breach him; the only lubrication for his unprepared, resisting ass was the precum leaked thus far. White hot pain exploded several more times in Justin’s head as the thrust to get inside him continued. With every slam into his body, he felt the fire dig a little deeper as the cock made its way, inch by inch, inside his tight hole. Justin felt himself tear a little more with every new shot of blinding pain; the burn so intense he thought he would never be able to feel anything else ever again…that the burn would never go away.There was no pausing, no adjusting, just hard, brutal thrusts and Chris only made it inside of him, because the blood from the rectal tearing was easing the way. Justin wanted to relax, to make it easier, less painful but found he couldn

’t. Just a few moments later, he became aware of the increasing sounds coming from behind him. Grunts, groans, clipped phrases started pouring out beside his ear, and he thanked God when he realized that Chris was nearing completion already.

Justin was gasping, face shoved hard against the stones in front of him when he felt his attacker change position. Arms wrapped around his front, grabbing his shoulders, bring him impossibly closer to the body behind him. Justin prayed it would be over soon in an almost mute voice, and as if in answer to his prayer, he felt the hands on his shoulder yank downwards as Chris thrust up harder than ever before. The pain from this final, incredibly, harsh slam into his body and the feeling of the dick inside of him swelling and shooting, sent a scream flying out of Justin’s mouth that he himself wasn’t aware he was capable of. 

Justin felt Chris’ body fall against his back, and he became aware of wetness running down his cheeks. He continued crying silently as he felt the weight move slightly off his back, only to be replaced by the arm across his shoulders again. Justin found himself staring deep into the wall he was still pressed into, still hoping that he could remove himself from this place. He heard a soft rustle that he knew was Chris donning his clothes. Justin prayed to be left alone, but Chris had some final words for him before leaving.

“I love you.” As the words repeated themselves in his head, sending him reeling as much as the rest of what had happened to him did, the blackness that had been threatening to swallow him intensified. In that moment, Justin welcomed it.


	2. Ride

 

Justin felt himself slowly climbing out of the darkness that made up his conscious world. After a few minutes, he could feel his eyes start to open, although considerable effort went into making them do it. As his eyesight started to focus, he realized where he was and it all came crashing back to him, he was still in the same spot where nightmares he didn’t even know he had became a reality. When that realization made it’s way completely through him he had to fight off the almost suffocating urge to let his eyes fall close again and just give up.

Justin accepted in silence that he wasn’t that kind of person so he pushed himself to open his eyes further and fully survey what he was up against. He noticed right away that he could still feel blood running down his head and neck but that now it was going down his back as well. Justin thought about what he knew about head wounds and realized that they bleed a lot but he wondered a little fearful if they normally bleed for a long time if they weren’t serious.

He then looked over his body, not too surprised to see that a vast majority of his skin was covered in bruises. His skin was so pale it bruised all the time so he wasn’t sure what the bruises actually meant and he hurt so much he couldn’t pinpoint the spots that hurt badly, it was like his entire being was engulfed in pain and fire. Justin had a fleeting thought that this was what Hell must be like but all thought seized once again as he looked further down, continuing his inspection and realized his lower half was laying in a pool of blood that wasn’t coming from his head.

Justin knew without a doubt where the blood was coming from, having felt the tearing as it happened. He wasn’t sure exactly what it meant for his health but by the amount of blood, he knew it wasn’t good. His quick assessment done, Justin knew he was in bad shape but he didn’t find any broken bones so he figured if he could control his dizziness and stay conscious he would be able to get himself out of this place.

He steeled himself before pushing off the wall until he was on his knees. The shift in position was agony and Justin couldn’t stop himself from voicing the pain although he bit his lip only releasing a long whimper. The blackness which had covered him before reared it’s ugly head again at the increased wave of pain but Justin fought it and succeeded in remaining awake. Next, he leaned one hand on the wall and grabbed his pants with the other before pushing himself up to his feet.

A full-fledged scream flew out of his lips during the last couple of inches of movement but he didn’t stop and soon he was standing. As soon as he was upright, Justin used the wall to support his full weight for a few moments, needing a rest from not only the pain he had been in since his encounter with Hobbs but also the extra pain he was putting himself through with his movements. Before removing himself from the wall, Justin shakingly buttoned and zipped his pants. He looked at his shirt but almost every button was gone so he knew there wasn’t anything he could do about that and he just pulled it as straight as he could.

After righting his clothing Justin pulled himself off the wall and straightening up as much as he could he started hobbling in the direction he remembered the exit being. The trek was slow but the blond was determined and through much pain, he finally made it outside. Once outside he stumbled to the street hoping to flag down a cab to bring him to the hospital. Justin wasn’t happy about a cab driver seeing him in the condition he was in but he knew that even at top form, he couldn’t walk to the nearest hospital from here and he was far from top form at the moment.

The cabbie pulled over a few minutes later, having seen the blond waving him down. As soon as he saw the condition his customer was in, he jumped out to help the struggling young man. The cabbie yanked open the backseat door and the put his hand on the blond’s arm to help him inside. 

Justin felt the driver touch his arm with that touch his skin began to crawl and a sense of panic welled up inside of him like he had never known before.

“Don’t fucking touch me!” he screamed, pushing the cabbie away.

At first, the cabbie was irritated by the young man’s actions but then he saw the fear on the smaller man’s face and realized he would have to help without touching the man.

“Okay I won’t touch you, just climb in and I’ll get you to the hospital.” the taxi driver said gently.

Justin still felt panic coursing through him but knew rationally that the other man meant him no harm and that he needed to get to a hospital fast so he quieted down and slid slowly into the seat. Once he was in the cabbie quickly closed the door behind him and ran to the front and jumped in, intent on getting the younger man the help he needed as quick as possible.

“I have a cell phone,” the driver said after a minute of driving as fast as it was possibly safe. “I can call anyone you need.” he offered.

“No! Don’t call anyone!” Justin exclaimed from the backseat, frantic at the thought of anyone finding out what had happened.

“Okay don’t worry I won’t call anyone.” the cabbie said in a soothing voice, not bothering to point out that it wasn’t like he knew who to call in any case.

The rest of the drive was made in silence with the driver glancing back every couple of seconds. As they got closer to the hospital, he noticed that the blond seemed to be going to sleep and responded only with mumbles when he tried talking to him. When the cabbie noticed this he pressed on the gas a little harder, wanting to get to the hospital right then.

Pulling up to the Emergency Room doors the driver shouted to the blond but got no response so he went to the back and pulled the door open but even shaking the other man got him no where. Getting more nervous, he ran inside the hospital for help.

A second later, he came rushing out again with orderlies and a doctor who happened to be standing at the desk. When they picked the blond up out of the car, the driver almost fainted at the sizable amount of blood on his seat. For some reason he followed the gurney on which they placed the other man until a door was swung shut in his face, sealing the other man on the opposite side. He then sat down to wait on word about the fate of the blond.


	3. Tylenol

 

Justin groaned and the sound exploded inside his head. He fought to open his eyes as he became aware of an intense burning sensation that seemed to radiate through his entire body but originating in his pelvic area. Justin felt the air rushing around him and the sensation was bringing him back to consciousness once again. The last thing he remembered was being in a cab; only now, when he opened his eyes he saw white walls rushing by him.

“What?” Justin mumbled, feeling icy cold fingers of fear moving along his spine, seeming to chill the very marrow in his bones. .

“Hello sir, you’re in a hospital. You have been badly injured.” a kind voice on his right explained. “Can you tell me your name?”

“Justin Taylor.” he answered breathlessly, wondering why she was explaining to him what he already knew when he could barely think through the screaming pain. Red hot, stabbing pain raced through his body, bursting out every once in a while in a level of pain he wasn’t aware existed. Justin knew he was hurt, he could feel it in every fiber of his being and he had been headed to the hospital so with the white walls where else could he be.

“Justin, you have been seriously injured and we’re taking you to surgery to repair some of the damage. Is there someone you would like us to contact for you?” the same voice asked in that same kind, if impersonal voice.

“No I don’t want anyone called.” Justin said as vehemently as he could manage and then before slipping back into the black hole of nothingness that welcomed him he got out one last word. “Allergic.”

The nurse heard the word though and told the doctor standing to Justin’s left what the boy had said. The doctor knowing how deadly this could be sent the nurse to search for Justin’s records while they finished wheeling him to the operating room.

The team scrubbed up for the surgery but didn’t administer anything to the patient because they weren’t sure what he was allergic to and right now while his injuries were bad they were not impossible to fix. If they added anaphylactic shock to them the team wasn’t sure his body could survive it. They watched as the young man’s body twisted, as the pain he was in raged through his body.

“This is taking forever.” a young nurse said, hurt for the patient apparent in her voice. “Can’t we give him something for the pain?” she pleaded. She was new and not used to seeing people in so much pain, not that this situation wasn’t bothering the most experienced doctors. “There must be something that you know won’t hurt him.”

The doctors looked at each other for a moment and then came up with the general consensus that the nurse was right. “We’ll give him Tylenol. Nobody is allergic to Tylenol.”

The nurse breathed a sigh of relief as she rushed over to get the medication and then quickly injected it into the pain-filled man. Within a moment, the nurse had administered the medicine and walked over to the group of doctors to wait for the patients chart. She kept switching her glaze between the writhing man and the door through which the other nurse would come with his chart.

Just then the door flew open, slamming against the wall with a resounding thud. The other nurse raced in. Her harried look made many of the room’s occupants thank God that they had decided to wait to medicate the patient as it was obvious by her demeanor that he must be allergic to something. She thrust the chart in the head doctor’s hands and he quickly started scanning the list of things the patient was allergic to. Before he got a fourth of the way through the list though they were all distracted by the sound of labored breathing. Looking up at the patient they saw him fighting to breathe. The team all rushed over to him except the doctor with the chart who looked down at it incredulously.

“He’s allergic to Tylenol.” the doctor exclaimed, disbelief laced through his voice, unwilling or unable to believe that they had actually made the situation worse.

“He’s crashing!” another voice yelled out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Brian couldn’t believe he was doing this. Many people would never know he was even capable of setting up a scene like this but he was an adman, setting a scene was his job. Parts of him were still rebelling against him being so ‘romantic’ although all of him still hated that word. What’s more is he knew that Justin didn’t need any of this stuff but somehow he wanted to do it for him.

Brian knew that tonight had changed everything and that the ball was in his court on how it changed so this was his decision. Brian pushed the furniture out of the way and looked at the 'dance floor' he'd created. Justin wants romance, I'll give him romance. Brian walked to the kitchen, grabbed the two tower candles Emmett had left and put them on the table. "There," he thought. Ambiance and presentation. 

Brian looked at the time after he was done then lit the candles, knowing Justin would be there any time now. He looked at their ‘dance floor’ and imagined dancing another slow dance with Justin before dragging him down to the floor and devouring him. Brian was getting impatient as the minutes ticked away. He knew he would be tormenting his lover for making him wait.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Daphne sighed slightly when another trip around the room didn’t succeed in finding Justin. She couldn’t believe that he had actually left her here but after the dance that he had shared with Brian she wasn’t too mad. It was obvious with the way they danced and just acted with each other that they had entered some new level in their relationship and she was happy for them, deliriously happy. That of course didn’t mean she wouldn’t use this for a good guilt trip or two. She planned on making him pay for abandoning her, just not until tomorrow. She wanted them to be able to enjoy tonight.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The minutes ticked by slowly for Brian as he watched the flame melt into the candle. The anticipation of this whole night was wearing on him and to him Justin seemed to be taking forever. Sick of staring at the candles slowly turning into wax Brian laid down on the sofa to wait for Justin but no ten minutes later his eyes started sliding closed. When he realized he was falling asleep he figured he was close enough to the door to hear when Justin came in. He knew that Justin would be there soon.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chris dropped off his date after fending off her advances for a good half an hour. He knew he couldn’t let her too close to him for fear she would figure out what he had done. When he got home he walked through his dark house with relief. Not that he thought that his parents would have been waiting up for him but he was so glad they weren’t.

Chris stepped in the shower to wash off the evidence of tonight’s activities, shuddering when he saw the blood. He had known he was hurting Justin when he did it but he needed to get done before they got caught and he hadn’t been sure how to make it less painful. After taking a few minutes to jerk off at the feeling of being crammed inside of Justin’s ass he dried off promising himself he would figure out how it could be done less painfully for next time.


	4. Nightmares and Dreams

 

The nurse who had earlier put Justin’s life in the balance when her pain for the patient had overcome her caution for his safety, silently begged his forgiveness as she wiped the sweat from his forehead. She knew that once again, he was in severe pain because the doctors wanted to make sure he would wake up from the surgery before they gave him medications that would likely knock him out for a while. They wanted to make sure that he was doing okay, minus the pain. The quicker they caught complications the better it was for the patient. 

Justin groaned aloud then immediately regretted the action, the sound sliced through his brain, tearing at the nerve endings and making him wish he was still unconscious. As he became more aware, he realized that while he still hurt it was incomparable to the roaring, all-consuming pain he had been in the last time he had been aware.

Justin had his fists clenched beneath the sheets trying to ward of the pain and anger that was raging through his body. He watched as a couple of the doctors puttered around him, asking inane questions. He plastered on his best dispassionate look while he screamed at the top of his lungs inside himself. He felt almost as if he was watching some stranger who looked remarkably like him and fought with himself, trying to voice his distress, but he couldn’t figure out how to make the screams exit his mouth. 

A few moments later, the doctors stopped asking questions and poking and prodding to have a conference across the room. The problem was that Justin barely noticed their departure; he had found the window and shut himself off from the world, looking out it.

Someone clearing their throat pulled Justin’s attention from the scenery ad to the group of doctors who had encircled his bed once again. 

“Justin, I’m Doctor Blank.” One of the doctors started to speak. “Do you know what happened to you, young man?” he asked.

Justin knew he couldn’t get into this conversation and he was thinking of ways to divert it when Brian’s face flashed before his eyes. The look in those beautiful hazel eyes said, “Fuck off, we are not talking about this’. Justin felt heartsick just thinking about Brian. Nevertheless, he adopted the proper facial expression and hoped it worked on the doctors.

Doctor Blank studied Justin’s face for a moment, holding his gaze and tried to get the young man to talk even though his expression warned him off. When staring him down didn’t work he made a mental note to call the physiatrist. It was obvious that Justin knew what had happened, and doctor Blank worried that his refusal to talk about it could end up being emotionally damaging, but right now, they needed to focus on the physical side of things.

“Well, I can tell you know what I’m referring to, so I’ll just explain what damage was done and what we had to do to fix it. Before I go into that though I would like to talk to you about your friends or family.” the doctor explained.

“What about them? They better not be here.” Justin hissed. “I remember telling someone that I didn’t want them to be informed about anything. I swear to God, if anyone has heard a word about this, I will sue this hospital.” Justin was panting and red in the face with rage by the end of his emotional outburst.

“Don’t worry, Justin, we haven’t contacted anyone; but because of the physiological damage with this kind of trauma we really must advise you to allow us to do so. A support system could be very helpful at this time.” 

“How about you just forget about that shit and tell me what’s going on with me?” Justin demanded; his pain and anger making him impatient.

The doctors all shared a look, then, the same doctor started speaking again. “Okay, well the damage to your head was surprisingly minimal for the number of blows inflicted. Your skull wasn’t damaged; however, your forehead had a gash near your crown, but it required only five stitches, and even though you suffered a concussion, it was only a slight one.”

“Okay?” Justin said before motioning for the doctor to continue, masking a grimace not only from the pain of the movement but from the thoughts flowing through his head. Even word the doctor said describing his injuries brought flashes of how he had got them. Justin felt the urge to claw at his skin, wanting nothing more than to be someone else, someone who didn’t know what it was to have not only their body, but their whole being violated.

“Even though the concussion was slight, there are still a series of complications that it can cause.” The doctor paused once again, wondering exactly how the information was going to impact his patient.

“Okay, well I’m sure you guys have pamphlets about that…so, next thing.” Justin demanded impatiently. 

The doctor hesitated but at the hot look in his patient’s eyes he continued. “The anal tearing was severe; it required extensive stitching which will need treatment for the next few months.” the doctor stopped once more, needing to go on, but not sure if he should get a therapist in the room before saying anything more. The look in Justin’s eyes made the doctor fear for his patient’s sanity. 

“Just fucking tell me!” Justin commanded once again.

“Alright Justin, I’ll tell you, just calm down.” Doctor Blank consoled, but before he could continue, Justin shouted again.

“I don’t need your damn pity! Just tell me what you want to and then go the fuck away!” Justin screamed his physical and emotional pain, demanding that everyone leave him alone. The only reason he hadn’t already made them leave was because he knew he had to know everything that was wrong with him.

“Okay Justin, because of the extent of the internal injuries you will not be able to have anal intercourse for at least six months, although it could and will possibly be significantly longer than that.” the doctor said and continued speaking, but the little bit of Justin that had been able to stay in the room and wasn’t taken over with pain, stopped listening at those words.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Brian had dozed off, he didn’t know when but he knew he had when he heard the sound of the loft door being opened. He sat up from the couch slowly and faced Justin with a cool look on his face, observing the other man glance around the loft, taking in the changes he had made to it.

“What?” Brian heard Justin start to ask, but before answering Brian hefted himself off the sofa and walked towards the door.

“Dance with me?” Brian entreated, holding his hand out and waited for Justin’s decision. 

Justin seemed to know that this was about more than a dance; it showed in his eyes, but he didn’t hesitate to put his hand in Brian’s, willing to follow his lover anywhere.

The lovers moved softly about the dance floor Brian had created, the dance not as glamorous as the one they had shared in front of Justin’s classmates only hours before. Instead, it was softer and more loving as they held each other tighter. 

“Justin,” Brian started, tipping Justin’s face from where it was buried against his shoulder so he could look into the other man’s eyes. “I won’t ever be what you want, you know that right? But I will do everything in my power to be what you need.” 

“Brian?” Justin asked hesitantly, reaching up and cupping Brian’s cheek.

“Shh, just listen okay? I need to say this.” Brian told Justin softly, before continuing. “I will always be your worst bet, not wanting to talk when things are bothering me, be disinterested in things that are important to you and a slew of other shit that makes me totally unsuitable for you, but no one will ever feel for you the way I do.” Brian finished, still looking in Justin’s face, awaiting his reaction.

“I love you too.” Justin said simply. 


	5. Pain

 

 

This chapter is actually Beta'ed, woohoo. Thanks Cassie!!!

 

 

A shrill ring cut through Brian’s dream causing him to bolt upright with a protest on his lips, moaning as the dream faded. Brian looked around the loft for a second before answering the phone, the fact that Justin wasn’t there registered to him just before he reached blindly for the annoying noise.

“Hey?” he growled in his sleep-roughened voice.

“Still sleeping?” Daphne’s voice came teasingly across the line.

“I was until you called.” Brian snipped back, wondering what she was calling about and why it wasn’t Justin on the phone. Hell, why Justin wasn’t at the loft.

“Well, I wouldn’t be calling this early if I wasn’t abandoned last night.” Daphne snarked out, not sorry that she had woken him up. She planned to get a few digs in, even though she wasn’t that upset about it. Her best friend would pay for his slight, only because she enjoyed tormenting him.

“Huh?” Brian mumbled, figuring that she wasn’t making sense because his brain was still sleep addled.

“Let me talk to the little asshole.” Daphne said in teasingly stern voice.

“Who…huh? What the fuck are you talking about?” Brian snapped, annoyed that he didn’t understand what she was talking about and because he wanted to talk to Justin. But because he had been blown off the night before, he wasn’t willing to ask.

“Justin…my best friend.” Daphne drawled out slowly, wondering if Brian was on something.

“But…he’s with…you.” Brian said slowly, wondering if Daphne was fucking with him, or if there was something wrong with her, or…well he hoped it was one of those things. A tightening in his chest told him that it wasn’t anything that easy. He glanced around the room again, the fact that Justin hadn’t kept his word and showed up the night before screaming through his head.

“What…” Daphne started and paused, her mind racing, trying to figure out if Brian was messing with her head. A shiver flowed through her as she silently hoped that was all that was happening. “What do you mean, Brian?”

“Justin is with you…right?” Brian asked seriously, this time in a voice that said if she fucked with him about this…

“N-no.” She stumbled over the word, knowing now that this wasn’t a joke.

“When did he leave?” Brian asked, standing bolt upright, ready for action, although he had no idea what action he would have to take.

“He…I…he was never here, Brian.” Daphne said, her voice getting a little squeaky as she got to her feet as well. She scurried over to her shoes, slamming her feet into them. She couldn’t stay still, she needed to help. Even if she wasn’t sure what was going on, she knew that it wasn’t good and that she would do anything to help Justin.

“Never? Did he leave you at the dance? Did he say where he was going? Did he see someone?” Brian rapidly fired questions over the line, scurrying into the bedroom to get clothes knowing, just as Daphne did, that something was terribly wrong.

“Brian…he never came back after you guys left together.” she answered softly, her fear tainting her voice.

“He didn’t!?!?” Brian exclaimed, every horrible thing that could have happened to Justin running through his mind.

The two ended their phone call after agreeing that each would call all the people that might have seen or heard from Justin, both of them imagining a vast range of scenarios that could have led to Justin not being where he said he was going to be. These scenarios ranged from simple things that just took time away from the artist to the cruelest of fates.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The door creaked open, a slumped form stumbling through it, using the last reserves of energy that was contained within. The snick of the lock was the only sound heard in the room, besides the wheeze of labored breath. The feet were barely raised from the floor and the room was traversed. Legs hit the side of the bed and a sigh of relief was heard as the body sank to the bed, relieving the added stress that had been caused by using the strength it took to stay vertical.

A bag, held in a harshly clenched hand, crinkled in protest of the abrupt movements. The sound was like music to the ears of the extremely pained individual as his mind automatically connected the sound with the prescriptions that he had picked up. He gave no thought to the antibiotics that the bag held, but his whole body shook with the need to get his hands on the pain medicine that was enclosed within it.

His body had been in slight pain when he had left the hospital, not that he had let that show, as the doctors had not wanted him to leave in the first place. He knew that if they saw that the medicine did not totally alleviate the agony he was in, the doctors would have fought harder to get him to stay.

He knew he couldn’t stay there though; he had no delusions about his friends and family. He knew that once they realized he wasn’t to be found, they would find him if he stayed at the hospital. He didn’t know what he was going to do, but he knew that he couldn’t be around any of them. Justin knew that they all loved him, each in their own way, but he couldn’t imagine having to look into their faces if they knew what happened to him. He didn’t want to have to face their pity, their guilt, or any of the hundreds of other emotions that he knew he would be on the receiving end of if they found out. More than that, he just couldn’t bare the thought of having to tell someone what had happened, describing ‘the incident’. ‘The incident’ was the only way he could even refer to it in his head. His mind seemed to have a problem voicing the ‘R’ word, even in his own head, so he knew he wouldn’t be about to say it aloud.

The images of the most horrific moment in his life continued to swirl through Justin’s head as they had done since Chris had left him there in the parking garage. He felt his stomach turn again as he recalled the scene. He agonized that somehow what had happened had been his fault, that because of the hand job he had somehow deserved what Chris had done. He remembered every thought he had ever had about Chris before meeting Brian, and wondered if that had somehow contributed to this throbbing that was consuming his body and soul.

He couldn’t face the people he knew, or, God forbid, ever see Chris again. The thought of either of those two things happening sent ripples of panic throughout his body. Justin knew that if he saw his family, everyone would be telling him how much they loved him, and he felt paralyzed with fear at the mere thought of hearing that phrase again after hearing Chris mutter those three words.

Justin’s body screamed in agony as shifted around to rip open the bag. The muscles from his upper legs to his shoulders shuddering, as wave after wave of intense white-hot pain ripped through every nerve ending in his body. Justin’s fingers struggled with the bag, his limbs sluggish from the wear that the physical and emotional pain was taking on his body. As soon as he got the bag open, he grabbed out the meds and started to fight to open the bottle.

“Fucking A!” Justin bitched as he fumbled with the cap. “Stupid child proof caps.”

Once the bottle was open, Justin shook out the correct dosage then stared at the medicine in dismay. He had been so intent on getting his medicine and getting away from Pittsburg that he hadn’t thought to get anything to drink so he could actually take the pills. Justin turned his head slowly and zeroed in on a door across the room. Knowing the door must lead to the bathroom, Justin bit his lip, contemplating getting up to get water.

He looked at the medicine again, contemplating the agony he would have to endure to get the water. Justin knew he couldn’t forgo his meds, but he wasn’t sure he could actually get up off the bed. He sent a last furtive glance towards the bathroom, wishing for the water, but knowing that he would have to do without it. He swallowed the pill with a grimace before closing his eyes to wait for the pain to lessen. As he stared at the back of his closed eyelids, he thought about Pittsburg, the town he had left behind, and everything that it held, the good, and the bad.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Tires squealed as a flash of black ripped around a corner and people walking near the entrance of the parking garage jumped out of the way of the lunatic in the Jeep. It was lucky that they had, because the man behind the wheel couldn’t have cared less if he had mowed them all down. He was normally a rather callus person, but the fear he felt for one of the only people he had ever loved, made him beyond a force to be reckoned with.

There were only a few people in the driver’s life that he would even care if they disappeared from it, but there were two that he wasn’t sure he would survive without. Those two people were his son, Gus, and the man he was searching for right now. They had come into his life on the same night and he couldn’t imagine who he would have been without either of them. Right now, he felt as if his soul was shaking in his body at the thought of never seeing Justin again.

“Hello!?!?!” Brian practically shouted as he pulled up to the parking attendant’s booth.

“Yes?” the man asked as he turned to the frantic man.

“I’m looking for this man,” Brian started, shoving a picture of Justin under the other man’s nose. “The last time he was seen was in this garage after his prom last night.”

“I haven’t seen him.” The parking attendant answered slightly sad, able to see that the other man needed some good news. “I just came on this morning though.” he explained, hoping to help.

“Who was on last night?” Brian asked, a bit of hope lightening his eyes.

“Todd was on all night last night.” The other man responded helpfully. “I can call him; maybe he would come in and tell you if he has seen him.” With Brian’s agreement, the parking attendant made the phone call, getting Todd’s affirmation that he would come and look at the picture to see if he could be of any assistance.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jennifer listened to yet another person saying that they hadn’t seen Justin since the night before. As she hung up, she flipped through her address book. There was only one number left that she hadn’t called, and though it was the least possible person to have seen Justin, she knew she would have to call him. She wondered how he would react to the information that Justin was missing, as she was sure that she wouldn’t find her son there. She wondered if he would even care that Justin was missing, if he would stay on the phone long enough to even hear the news, instead of hanging up on her, as he had done the many times she had brought up Justin since the divorce.

“Hello?” The phone was answered after she had finally gathered up the nerve to dial. The voice across the line was guarded and she knew that he must have checked the caller ID before he picked up the phone and thus knew it was her.

“Have you seen Justin?” she asked right off the bat, not having the strength to make small talk while her son was missing.

“Why would I have seen HIM?” Craig snapped, thrown off by the question.

“He’s missing, Craig.” She explained in a stressed voice. “So if you have seen him, you fucking tell me now.” She demanded, thankful of her time spent with Debbie as it had made her more blunt, not to mention the added ease to the way profanity flew out of her mouth in situations that asked for it, such as this.

“Missing…?” Craig asked in a gasp, hoping that he hadn’t heard his ex-wife right. “He’s probably with that man.” He spat, as he tried to push down the panic he felt.

“No, he’s not with Brian, or Daphne, or anyone else that any of us know. You were our last resort.” Jennifer pushed out in exasperation and fear.

“What did the police say?” Craig asks in a voice that did little to hide how worried he was.

“I haven’t called them yet. We w…” she started only to be cut off by an enraged voice.

“What the fuck do you mean you have called the police?” Craig ranted. “I am heading right over there and you had better have talked to the police by the time I get there.” He snapped before slamming the phone down and charging around the house getting ready.

~~~~~~~~~~

Todd looked a little upset as he nodded his head. He had not seen the boy that the frantic man had shown him a picture of, but he would definitely take the other man through the garage to see if they could find anything that might indicate why the young man in the picture hadn’t returned to his friend after leaving the man who now walked beside him.

Brian looked around the expanse of concrete while he and Todd walked towards where the Jeep had been parked the night before. Both men were looking around, hoping for something to tell them where they could find the missing blond.

Within moments, they were at the spot that Brian had parked the night before, and the hazel-eyed man had flashes of watching his lover walk away. Justin had been so happy that he had actually glowed and Brian had not been able to look away until the other man had been out of his sight.

Brian turned towards the corner where he had last seen Justin, in that moment before the slim blond figure had been blocked out by concrete. Without saying a word he started walking towards that corner, knowing that somewhere between that spot and prom, Justin had just disappeared. When he turned the corner though, his worst fears all came true, as the first thing he saw was a semi circular bloodstain on the wall. As he moved closer to the mark, even though inside his head he was screaming he didn’t want to see it, he realized the height that the stain was even with where Justin’s head would be.

Brian had no idea why he knew that it was Justin’s blood, that Justin’s head had made the mark but he did. Brian fell to his knees, crushed by the weight of this knowledge and the ever-increasing worry for his lover.


	6. Searching

 

 

As Brian walked away from the scene, he didn’t want to see the spot he knew Justin’s head had impacted on anymore, so he pulled out the phone to call Jennifer. He knew the police had to be notified but he wasn’t going to waste time on their incompetence; he would let Jennifer deal with that. He didn’t want to be the one to tell Jennifer what he had found, but he knew he had to. 

Brian hung up the phone a few minutes later, unconsciously rubbing at the tears that had formed in his eyes while talking to Justin's mother and trying to calm her as much as he could. It had been clear to him that she was distraught, scared and in need of some type of reassurance. He was pacing next to the scene trying not to think about what happened to Justin, but he knew it had to be bad…brutal. He passed the threshold to the area again and shuddered from a sudden chill that ran up his spine, causing the hair on the back of his neck to stand up. He wondered if someone had just walked across his grave or worse, Justin’s. 

Brian looked at his phone again and knew what he had to do, so he dialed information. As soon as the voice came on the line asking what number he would like, he requested the hospital closest to his location. Getting the number, he once again dialed the phone, not sure whether he wanted to find Justin there or not. On one hand, if Justin wasn’t there, then maybe he wasn’t hurt. But then, on the other hand, if he wasn’t there he’d still be missing.

“Allegany General, how may I direct your call?” a pleasant voice came over the line. 

“Hello, I’m looking for…my son. His name is Justin Taylor.” Brian inquired after the greeting. 

“Is he a patient here?” The nurse asked. The clicking of a keyboard was coming over the phone line loud and clear.

“We are not sure but he has been missing since last night.” Brian explained. 

He waited for a few minutes, trying his best to be patient with the hmming and clicking he could hear coming from the nurse. Every couple of seconds, he pushed down the need he felt to scream at her to hurry up, needing to know, needing to find Justin…now.

“I’m sorry, sir; we do not have your son as a patient.” The nurse’s voice came back in only a minute or two, but it had felt like an eternity to Brian. 

“Okay,” Brian answered, already hanging up so he could repeat the process with the next hospital.

About ten minutes later, Brian saw Jennifer rushing in, followed by Craig and two police officers. He nodded to them, waving them around the corner, not willing to follow them, not only because he was on the phone with yet another hospital. The real reason he couldn’t follow them was because he just couldn’t handle seeing that blood smeared on the wall again.

With a sigh Brian hung up on yet another hospital, again with no news of Justin. He scrubbed his hands over his face, every failure draining more hope from his body. He knew in his heart that Justin had been hurt, but if he wasn’t at a hospital, then that couldn’t be a good thing. 

Before Brian could call 411 again to get the number to the next hospital, he heard a distinct sound of distress and knew by the sound of it that Jennifer had seen the mark on the wall and came to the same hard conclusion that he had. As he was talking to the last hospital in Pittsburgh, Brian watched out of the corner of his eyes as Jennifer and Craig came back. Jennifer looked absolutely destroyed and Craig looked like he had been up for a week, world weary and exhausted. 

Jennifer must have seen something in Brian because, without a word, she moved over to him and buried herself against his shoulder. When she first touched him, Jennifer felt how stiff he held himself and she prepared herself to feel him pull away, but, to her surprise, he didn’t move, just continued talking on the phone. She listened to his side of the conversation and realized that he was talking to a hospital, asking if Justin was there. As soon as she recognized what the phone call was she felt her heart flutter with hope, but it quickly died as the conversation went on. 

Earlier, Craig had arrived at his ex-wife’s condo, only to find her standing in the driveway waiting for him. After listening to her explain about the call from Brian, they waited for the cops and then headed out to the garage that Brian had indicated. Craig knew that if his son wasn’t missing he would be fighting the fact that he was doing as he was told by that ass, Brian Kinney. But right now, he couldn’t even think about that. The only thoughts that were going through his head were those of his son, and even though he did his best to drown them out, thoughts of what might have happened to Justin still haunted him. 

When they had arrived at the garage, Craig caught sight of Brian as he waved them by him, and he’d almost forgotten to breathe. The man who he thought felt nothing for his son looked like he was going to literally fall apart. Craig pulled his eyes from Brian and followed where they had been pointed. When he got around the corner, he felt as if his eyes automatically narrowed in on a dark stain about five feet off the ground on the wall across from him. 

Craig watched the cops rush towards the same spot that he had been staring at, and it was then that the stain took on a cryptic meaning from him. He could hear them whispering amongst themselves, but couldn’t understand much of what they were saying until the word ‘blood’ came across loud and clear. Craig felt his stomach roll when he realized exactly what the stain was, and a strangled sound coming from his ex-wife told him she understood what was going on as well.

He felt more than saw as Jennifer rushed away from the scene, and, after a look from one of the cops, he followed her; part of him not wanting to go, but the rest of him wanting to bury his head in the sand and not find out what had happened…what had caused that stain. When he made his way back, the way he had come earlier, he saw Jennifer practically throw herself into Brian’s arms. And though he wished that she would have come to him for comfort, he understood and wished that he had someone to hold that would give him comfort at this moment. 

After getting off the phone with the last hospital, Brian’s shoulders slumped and his eyes pricked with tears. He didn’t know what to do next and the hopelessness he had been fighting overtook him. In some distant part of his brain, Brian felt Jennifer curled into his body, and without a second thought, Brian wrapped his arms around her, pushing his face into her hair and wishing that she smelled like her son. Just as he was trying to absorb comfort, the shrill sound of his cell phone cut through the air. He quickly answered the call.

“Hello?!?!” he questioned urgently.

“Brian, I’m sorry to be calling you, but we have a problem with one of the contracts and the client is threatening to pull his account,” Cynthia said softly into the phone, knowing that Brian wasn’t going to be very happy. 

“Cyn, I really fucking couldn’t care less.” Brian hissed.

“Brian…what’s wrong?” she finished her question in a businesslike voice, a pad of paper already in front of her and ready to do whatever she could to help Brian. She didn’t know what the problem was, but she knew it was big

Brian thought about what she was asking; he knew that, for some reason, Cynthia would do anything she could to help him, but he didn’t know if he could bring her into this. He had a strict rule about mixing his personal and business lives, but he also knew that she would have his back more than anyone in his life. Not even his created ‘family’ stood behind him like she did. The other problem he had with telling her what was going on was the fact that he would have to say the words aloud, again. 

“Brian?” Cynthia called out, her voice worried.

Brian listened to the concern in her voice and knew he would tell her. He didn’t know what he could gain by explaining and letting her in, but he knew that she would take care of things at work for him while he dealt with all the shit that was going on. Brian gently pulled away from Jennifer, not wanting her to have to hear him going over everything that was happening.

“Brian?!?!” Cynthia called over the line, her voice rising with her anxiety.

When he finally was a good distance from Jennifer he quietly and haltingly explained what had happened and what was going on to Cynthia. He even had to explain exactly who Justin was although he knew that she knew about the other man and that she just wanted details. 

“Okay, Brian, I will deal with everything at work. I will have someone else deal with the account. Tell me if you need anything.” There was so much more she wanted to say, but she knew that right now Brian was barely holding it together, so he needed her to be impersonal as much as she could be. 

As soon as he got off the phone, Brian turned back towards where Jennifer and Craig were standing and saw that the cops were talking to Justin’s parents. He slowly moved towards them, wondering what the officers had to say. He knew they’d want to question him, as it was just part of their job, but they’d just be wasting time that was better spent searching for Justin. He gritted his teeth as they drew closer and decided he’d just answer their stupid question so they could go find Justin.

The questions were fired rapidly and, with every one, Brian knew that the cops suspected him. As the questions were asked, he also got a feel for the officers. He knew that one of them was a homophobe and that, luckily, the other was not. As minutes passed, Brian became more edgy that no one was out looking for Justin. The fact that every moment they spent here, asking him asinine questions, the longer Justin was out there, possibly dying as they spoke. 

“What the fuck?!?!” Brian heard Craig’s voice explode over yet another question sneered at him by the homophobic cop.

“Excuse me, sir?” the same officer questioned Craig, an edge to his voice.

“You have asked him everything besides his favorite color. Obviously, he has no idea where Justin is or what happened to him, so do you think you could go do your fucking job and find my son?” Craig growled. 

“Sir…” the other officer started to say something only to be cut off by the ringing of a cell phone. 

Brain swiftly yank it out again, hoping against hope that it would be Justin on the line and that this was somehow just a mistake, but when he saw Cynthia’s work extension on the ID, he felt rage bubbling inside of him. He sent an apologetic look to everyone and answered the call, voicing his displeasure the moment the call was initiated. 

“I fucking told you what was going on; do you really think that I give a shit if that place is fucking burning down?” Brian snapped. He was prepared to fire this woman, who was his right hand and someone that he needed at work, if she didn’t hang up and leave him alone about work.

“I found him!!!!”


	7. Found

 

 

Chris bounced out of bed; he was looking forward to school today. As he pulled his uniform from the closet he licked his lips imagining seeing Justin. He wondered if there would be a way to tell if the blond could still feel him inside. He had once heard one of the girls at school say that about a guy she had had sex with, and Chris wanted nothing more than to have had that effect on Justin. He didn’t want the other man to have a moment when he wasn’t thinking about the feel of Chris inside him.

Once Chris was done showering and dressing he headed off to school, even though it wasn’t quite time to leave. He just couldn’t wait to see Justin's pale form again. Every time he thought about it he felt his dick start to harden. He’d had sex with several girls and, although his cock became engorged and he found pleasure in the sex, it didn’t in anyway compare to what he felt with Justin. He wondered if there would be time to take Justin today at school. Maybe they could do it in the locker room, or he could fuck the blond in a stall in the bathroom. As these thoughts whirled around in Chris’ mind, he realized he was getting very close to the school and he couldn’t just arrive there with a hard-on, so he took a few cleansing breaths and thought of old people having sex to make his erection subside.

Once Chris arrived at the school, he positioned himself on the stone wall surrounding the walkway to the front door. He was determined to see Justin when he arrived at school; of course, he had to be inconspicuous about it because there was no way he wanted anyone knowing that he had any interest in the little queer. As time wore on, more and more people arrived at school and Chris chatted, joked and laughed with his friends, throwing insults at the people he felt were beneath him and making excuses for why he wasn’t leaving his post and why he kept looking towards the road.

Finally, the bell rang and there was still no Justin. Chris made note of the fact that Daphne hadn’t shown up either. As he walked inside, stealing looks over his shoulder every couple of seconds, he wondered if they were just running late or if they were not coming in at all. Five minutes later, he was sitting in his homeroom class as his teacher droned on, staring at the two empty seats. He didn’t know why but, for some reason, he knew Justin wouldn’t be in. And the fact that Daphne was absent as well made him even more curious as to why. In his mind he saw a running video of every blow he had landed on the other boy and feared that he may have hurt the other man. He inwardly groaned at this thought, worried that would mean it might be a while before he could fuck Justin again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“What?” Brian asked irritably at Cynthia’s voice, but then her words registered on him and he continued in an excited, if slightly panicked, voice. “How? Where?”

“I have a friend that works at Allegheny General and I called her. She told me he had been there, but left in a taxi. She then called the service and found out where they had dropped him off.”

“What? That was the first hospital I called and they said he wasn’t there,” Brian bitched.

“Well, apparently he refused to allow them to notify anyone.” Cynthia hesitantly told him, knowing that this was going to be a blow to her boss.

“What? Why the fuck would he do that? Why was he there?” Brian rattled off the questions rapid fire.

“I don’t know, Brian. That’s all she would tell me.” Cynthia regretfully informed him.

“Well, where is he?” he demanded, as Jennifer, Craig and the officers circled around him, having realized what the phone call was about.

Cynthia rattled off the address and before hanging up said, “Good luck Boss, go get your man.” She then quickly hung up before Brian could rip her a new one.

“What is going on?” Jennifer pleaded as soon as Brian hung up the phone, ignoring the disgusted look on his face. “Do you know where Justin is?”

“Yeah, Cynthia found him.” Brian explained, knowing that only Jennifer would know who he was talking about.

“Well, let’s go get him.” Craig ordered, wondering why they were still standing there.

“I will go get him.” Brian answered, his stressing of the word ‘I’ made his meaning abundantly clear.

“What do you mean, you will go get him? We’re all going.” Craig argued, remembering why he hated this arrogant son of a bitch.

“Listen, you ass, Justin didn’t want anyone to know he was even at the hospital, so a bunch of people dropping in on him is not the best idea. Secondly, even if he wasn’t feeling like that, do you think that seeing the man who has spent the last few months denying he had a son is going to make his day that much better.” Brian hissed.

“I don’t have to explain myself to you.” Craig screamed, drawing himself up to his full height and getting right in Brian's face, trying to ignore the several inches younger man had on him. He felt the comment hit home but refused to acknowledge the truth in it.

“You’re right…you don’t…but you’re still not going with me.” Brian answered casually. He looked at Jennifer and could see that even though she wanted to rush to her little boy’s side, she would wait. He had never imagined that Jennifer would be so understanding, but it seemed that since this happened she got him and Justin and was willing to go on faith that Brian would figure it all out.

“The fuck I’m not.” Craig shouted, but Brian didn’t show any signs of answering him. The other man just turned around towards the door, but before he could start walking out Craig grabbed his arm. Brian yanked away from the older man’s grasp and opened his mouth to rip him a new asshole when one of the officers began to speak.

“Calm down, guys. We will all go. We have to know about this bloodstain. We need to know if there was a crime committed here.” The homophobic officer interrupted, seeing that the two men were about to come to blows.

“Fuck off!” Brian and Craig snarled at the officer simultaneously.

“You can’t possibly go,” Jennifer informed the officers. “If there is something that Justin needs to tell you we will call you, but we have to worry about Justin wellbeing first.” The mother in her had come out and she was a lioness protecting her cub from unseen dangers, and the men in the room knew that she wasn’t to be messed with. “And Craig, you let Brian deal with Justin; if he needs us he will call us.” Jennifer started out her statement glaring at her ex-husband but finished it with a hard stare at Brian, letting him know that she meant business, that he had better call her if Justin needed his mother.

“Jennifer!” Craig started only to be cut off again.

“Enough, Craig!” She hissed.

Brian nodded at Jennifer and barely spared a glance at the other man before striding to his Jeep, his only thought was to get to Justin, as quickly as possible. He had to keep a tight rein on himself to keep from slamming his foot down on the accelerator. He knew that if he did that, the homophobic officer would stop him for speeding. And that would make him take longer to get to Justin and he couldn’t handle that. As soon as he was out of sight of the garage and he was sure that no one had followed him, he pushed his foot harder towards to floor, roaring to get to Justin.

~~~~~~~~~~~  
Justin was in a drug induced fog. He could feel the pain that racked his body, but it seemed so far way, everything seemed so far away. From somewhere deep inside him, he felt a familiar sensation floating deep beneath the pain. In the back of his mind he knew that he knew what the feeling was but he couldn’t wrap his mind around it. Faded shadows passed in front of his eyes and Justin vaguely wondered if it was night again, if it had been a full twenty-four hours since the prom, or maybe even more than that.

He wondered a million things, trying not to let his mind stray. He just wanted to go back to sleep, but when he had been asleep he hadn’t been able to fight the dreams, the memories. Awake, he had some control and he could think every other thought in the world in an attempt to keep ‘the incident’ out of it, even if it only worked a little.

Asleep, on the other hand, he had no control over his thoughts, and every second that he had been asleep was like reliving it over and over again and he just couldn’t do it. He was so disappointed in the drugs that the hospital had given him. On street drugs you very rarely dream but this shit had basically the opposite effect. Justin couldn’t stand to be stuck in those dreams, so he decided he would stay awake no matter how much he wanted to close his eyes.

Justin was bone-weary. Although the pills blocked a vast majority of the pain, it didn’t disappear, and with every pull or throb, the reason for the pain shoved its way through his subconscious. Real or imagined he could still feel Chris’ hands on him, his body touching his and his smell on his skin. The thought, the feeling made Justin want to claw at his skin. And finally he couldn’t take it anymore. He knew it was going to cause severe pain but he couldn’t help it, he needed a shower.

Justin rolled off the bed, doing his best not to put pressure on any of his wounds but found that to be impossible. As the pain tore through him, he thanked God for pain killers because the pain he was feeling at the moment was nothing compared to what it had been before he had taken them. He moved to the bathroom in a shuffle, trying his best to make the transition as painless as possible.

As soon as he had crossed the threshold, Justin let out a whimper seeing the shower. The thought of lifting his leg high enough to enter it caused a shiver to travel down his back. He closed his eyes and wanted to make his way back to the bed and just crawl into and never get out. Justin turned his head to do just that when he caught sight of the mirror. His reflection stared back at him and never in his life had he felt as dirty as he did in that moment. Everywhere he could see his skin was covered in bruises.

Justin spun away from the offending image, eliciting a sob as the quick actions pulled at every muscle in his body. Darkness slid across his vision and red hot prickles of agony roared past the pain killers. Cool tile met his seemingly boiling skin and Justin fumbled for a grip in the shower. His head was spinning and his breath seemed loud to his ears as he pushed himself through getting in the shower.

When he lifted his leg he bit he lip viciously, trying to keep the cry it induced inside. Nonetheless, a small sob escaped. Once his whole body was in the shower, Justin's knees where shaking from exhaustion and he wanted nothing more than to slide to the bottom of the tub and just give up. But as he eyes drifted over his intended resting place, the thought of how it would feel to sit on that hard porcelain entered his mind and he reached for the knobs to make sure he stayed standing.

Once Justin was steady on his feet again, he reached over and turned on the water. His fair skin normally dictated that the water be at the most a certain temperature, but this time Justin just turned on the hot water. He didn’t care about his skin; he just needed to be clean. A gasp left his mouth as the stream first hit him, it was hot and he could already feel his skin protesting but he ignored it. Immediately Justin grabbed the soap and wash-cloth and, after lathering it up, began sweeping the cloth across his skin. He washed every inch of his skin, trying to erase the smell and feel of Chris from it. Justin rubbed and scrubbed continuously, hissing every time he passed over a bruise or abrasion but, no matter how hard he did it, he didn’t feel any cleaner.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Come on, hurry up!” Brian urged impatiently.

“Calm down, Sir. I shouldn’t even be doing this. I should just call the cops.” The clerk insisted even as she stuck the key in the door. She knew she could get in big trouble for this but for some reason she couldn’t say no to the distraught man.

As soon as the clerk got the door unlocked Brian rushed past her into the room. He quickly surveyed the area seeing no sign of Justin but a pharmacy lying on the bed. From a distance Brian heard water running and he ran to the bathroom, the hotel clerk on his heels. Brian wanted to call out to Justin but found his voice was caught in his throat, so he just pulled open the shower curtain.

Brian knew he had scared Justin from the way that the boy cried out and plastered himself against the tiled wall, but he couldn’t do anything to comfort him because he was too stunned by the condition of Justin's body.

“Oh God!”  



	8. Helping

 

 

Squealing tires rent the air as Brian roared into the motel parking lot. He spun the Jeep, almost upsetting its balance off four wheels and onto two as he swung it into a parking space right in front of the door to the office. He applied the brakes quickly but still ended up jumping the curb almost a foot. Brian snapped off the engine with a quick flip of his wrist and practically leapt out of the Jeep. In his haste to exit the vehicle, Brian fumbled the keys, knocking them to the floor. He wasn’t prepared to take the extra second it would have cost him to pick them up, so he felt for them where they landed. Brian raced into the office, slamming his hand on the bell as soon as he got to the counter.

“Yes?!” the word was thrown at him when a young girl snatched the bell from under his hand.

“I’m looking for someone who dropped off here by a taxi about three hours or so ago.” Brian explained.

“Name?” she asked in the same bored voice.

“Justin Taylor.”

The clerk looked up at the name and something Brian couldn’t identify flew across her face. “We do not have a guest by that name, sorry.” She said but Brian knew she was lying. Not only did he know that the cab had dropped him off there and that there was nothing else for miles, but she had also given it away with the look on her face. Brian still couldn’t tell what the look meant besides that she knew exactly who Justin was.

“You don’t understand,” Brian started. He had to convince her to tell him the truth; he needed to find Justin, so he told her the whole story, pleading with his words, his eyes and his body language for her help.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Oh God!” Brian moaned when the position of some of the bruises on Justin's body made it clear what had happened to him.

Brian swallowed hard, knowing that he couldn’t worry about how he felt now. He also couldn’t give into the anger he felt welling up inside of him, the need he had to end the person’s life who had caused Justin this much pain and anguish. He had to deal with Justin and what he needed.

“Go away, Brian.” Justin pleaded as he grabbed the shower curtain from Brian's hand and attempted to cover his body.

“Are you okay?” the clerk asked from her vantage point.

“Who is that?” Justin cried, scared to have someone else in the room with him.

“It’s okay, Justin. It’s just the clerk.” Brian soothed.

“Make her go away.” Justin whimpered.

“Okay, don’t worry about it. I’ll take care of it.” Brian assured as he turned to the apologetic looking clerk.

“I didn’t…” she started quietly as she backed out of the bathroom.

“Don’t worry, just go.”

“Call the front desk if you guys need anything.” She said, wanting to help anyway she could. She didn’t know what had happened to the other man, but she knew it was bad. She had heard him beg the Brian guy to leave, but that when he had been disturbed by her presence, he had turned to the other man to make it better. She walked away, still worried, but somehow sure that the young man would be as okay as he could be in the arms of Brian.

Brian headed back into the bathroom when the clerk closed the door behind herself. As soon as he neared the room, he heard quiet sobs echoing through it. His heart broke a little more for his lover as he headed for the sound.

“Justin?”

“Please, Brian, go away.” Justin begged. He needed to be alone, feeling like if he could just hide, it would all be alright.

“No,” Brian said softly.

Justin turned to him sharply, pissed off that the other man would deny him something he needed so badly, but when he looked into those hazel eyes that he loved, the wall he had built around himself crumbled to nothing. Tears started streaming down his face once again and he knew there was nowhere left to hide.

Brian stepped forward towards the sobbing teen; he slowly and gently wrapped his arms around him and moved to pull him out of the shower. He wanted to be able to comfort Justin properly and the shower wasn’t the ideal place for that. Brian paid no attention to the fact that his designer clothing was getting soaked; his only concern was his lover.

“No!” Justin screamed when he felt Brian trying to remove him from the shower.

“What’s wrong?” Brian questioned sympathetically when Justin started to freak out.

“I need to be clean. Need to be clean.” Justin chanted staring piercingly at his skin as if the dirt he felt on it would appear.

Brian looked at Justin's body again, wincing when he realized that much of the redness that he had attributed to what had happened to the other man was too bright, too new to have been caused at the same time as the bruising. More concern rushed his body as he realized that Justin had been scrubbing his own body so hard the skin was becoming severely irritated. He knew he had to do something, not only to appease Justin's need to be cleaner, but to make sure he didn’t cause himself more harm.

“Okay, Justin. I’ll wash you.” Brian soothed. He picked up the washcloth and lathered it with the soap excessively. Once that was done, he started leisurely washing Justin's body, coving every inch and resoaping the cloth as needed.

Justin stiffened every once and a while when Brian was cleaning him. Even Brian's hands on his body sometimes seemed like an invasion. He felt Brian hesitate for a moment when it came to washing his groin, but the other man continued and he breathed his way through the fear it caused. Finally, Justin felt Brian pause yet again; the older man had just finished cleaning his lower back and every muscle in Justin's body contracted when the panic of where Brian would have to touch him next sped through him.

Brian sensed, as much as felt, when Justin stiffened yet again. The younger man had done it several times while he was washing him, but now came the hardest part. Brian had washed every inch of Justin's skin numerous times, getting it beyond clean but not causing the wounds that Justin had been inflicting on himself. Now all that was left to clean was his ass, and although he had not been told, Brian knew what happened to Justin and knew this was going to be difficult for his lover to handle.

“Just do it,” Justin breathed. “But be gentle.”

Brian closed his eyes at yet another confirmation of his worst fear. He knew what had caused the marks on the alabaster skin, but until he actually heard it come out of Justin's mouth part of him rebelled against the idea.

“Okay, I’ll be as easy as I can.” Brian assured.

Brian bathed the area as thoroughly as he had the others, hesitating when he felt Justin flinch and almost puking when he got his first good sight of the damage. The damage was rather extensive, just from what Brian could see and what he knew about it. He wished yet again that Justin hadn’t shut him out when he was at the hospital, because then he would know exactly what damage had been done and what needed to be to do to care for Justin.

“I’ll be right here,” Brian assured his lover as he turned off the shower and got out to grab a towel.

Justin watched Brian's progress with intent eyes, and somewhere in his head he scoffed at his quick and total turn around. Before Brian had entered the shower with him, he had wanted the other man to leave, and now he didn’t want him out of arms length. Justin noticed that Brian was still in his clothes as the other man slid on the floor from the water that was running off them.

“Your clothes.” He lamented, sad that Brian had sacrificed the garments that he knew had to be ridiculously expensive.

“They’re just clothes.” Soothed the older man as he came back and delicately wrapped the towel around Justin.

“They’re wet.” Justin shot back, slapping Brian's hands away once the towel was secure.

Brian looked at Justin, wondering what he wanted. He hated the fact that he felt skittish around Justin, but he didn’t want to do anything to make this situation worse. Brian noticed that Justin kept staring at his soaked clothes, which he had felt this whole time, but he had been more concerned about Justin and how the younger man would react if he got naked than how uncomfortable wearing wet clothing was. It only took another second for Brian to realize what Justin expected him to do, and he bit his lip, contemplating whether or not it was the right thing to do. He knew his lover well enough to know that if he didn’t remove his clothes it would aggravate the other man, but he also wondered what kind of fallout would occur for Justin if he were to remove his clothes.

“Brian!” Justin demanded.

With a sigh, Brian looked deeply into Justin's eyes as he began to disrobe, hoping against hope that he was making the right decision. As the layers were peeled away, there didn’t seem to be a reaction until he started to remove his underwear. Brian's heart plummeted when Justin whimpered a little and turned his face away the moment Brian's cock was exposed. His first reaction was to pull his underwear back up but he knew if he did that he would have to go through the same thing again, so he hurriedly grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his waist. As soon as that part of his anatomy was covered again, Brian went to Justin, his voice reassuring until the other man looked at him again. Brian was glad he had done it when, after a few second, Justin realized his groin was covered and relaxed a little.

As Brian tried to usher Justin out of the bathroom, knowing by the look of his lover that sleep was needed, Justin mumbled something he couldn’t understand.

“Huh?” he asked gently.

Justin mumbled again, unwilling or unable to actually articulate what was needed, instead he gestured out the bathroom door to the dresser in the other room. He knew he needed his topical medicine and he just hoped that Brian would understand without him having to say the actual words.

Brian still wasn’t able to understand what Justin wanted (by his words) but he looked to where his lover had gestured and he could see something on top of the dresser. He headed out to see what it was Justin was motioning to and grabbed the bag that was the only thing there. He looked into the bag, saw various medical supplies, and rolled his lips into his mouth when he realized what they meant. Brian quickly cleared his face of the anger and pain he knew was there before returning to the bathroom. He placed the bag on the counter and pulled out the sheet of paper he knew was directions.

“I can do it!” Justin snapped yanking the paper from Brian's hands.

“You can barely move,” Brian reminded him gently, “How are you going to do this?”

Justin wanted nothing more to argue but he knew he couldn’t, so he just held still and waited while Brian read what had to be done and then did it. By the end of it, he was panting in pain and knew he needed more pain meds now. Justin waited until Brian had cleaned up, and then when he felt the other man’s arm lace around his waist, they started making their way to the bedroom. As soon as they got to the bed, he fell down onto his stomach beside the other bag and fumbled out the pills. He sighed in frustration when he realized that he once again had no water, but before he could open his mouth he felt a tap on his shoulder and looked up to see Brian holding a glass for him.

“Thank you,” was all Justin breathed before down the pills. He was more grateful than anyone could imagine that he had Brian there with him, at his side, having his back.

After Justin took the pill, Brian rearranged their bodies so that they were gently spooning. He knew Justin needed to sleep, and for a while now they had both seemed to sleep better in the arms of the other. Time passed and Brian felt Justin starting to relax against him, he knew the other man was getting more comfortable, and though he wasn’t sure it was the right thing to do or the right time to do it, he just had to ask.

“Tell me?”  



	9. Knowing

 

“Tell me,” Brian urged empathetically. He bit his lip to keep from screaming to punctuate his question. Not at Justin; just to yell at the top of his lungs. He felt his insides boiling and he wanted to shout, rage, or better yet, kill the person who had done this to Justin. But he knew he couldn’t do any of those things at that moment, so instead, he gnawed on his lip to keep the wrath inside. 

Justin stiffened; his refusal swiftly on his tongue. “I can’t!” He felt his insides start to shake harder and prayed that Brian would let this go. “I won’t! Not ever!”

“Okay, okay.” Brian soothed. He hated himself for getting Justin worked up like he was, but held on as Justin tried to climb out of his arms.

Justin started to panic more as he was restrained. Within seconds, he couldn’t see Brian anymore; he wasn’t with Brian; he was with Chris who was pushing him down on an unfamiliar bed. He heard shouting after a few seconds, but couldn’t comprehend the words; he couldn’t hear Brian trying to tell him it was him and that he was safe now.

When getting away didn’t work, Justin spun around and started landing blows. He wouldn’t, couldn’t live through his nightmare again. He felt the punches and kicks land and felt glee at the sounds of pain that made their way to his ears. Justin prepared himself as much as he could for the pain of the retaliatory blows that he knew were coming, but he didn’t stop his assault. He promised himself that he would win this time, or die trying.

As Brian felt Justin start thrashing, he tried to comfort him with words, being as gentle as he could while still holding his lover to the bed beneath him. When he heard Justin start crying, “No,” and then, start shouting the same word, repeatedly, he started worry about what was happening in the blond’s mind. 

The first blow caught Brian off guard, and the subsequent ones brought the reason for Justin's action crashing down on him.  He realized that Justin was flashing back to his attack, or something of that nature, and as soon as he realized that, he tried to move away but the strikes just kept coming. 

Finally, Brian succeeded in pulling away from the blond’s fury and rolled off the bed onto the floor. He continued to call to Justin softly, trying to break through to wherever the other man’s mind was, watching helplessly while Justin floundered for a moment when the target of his blows was lost. He breathed a sigh of relief when Justin stopped and looked around, obviously coming back to the present.

“Huh?” Justin muttered when his eyes landed on Brian.

“Justin?” Brian questioned calmly, wanting to make sure that his lover was okay and was out of the state he had been in moments before. 

“What…what happened?” Justin inquired. He remembered fighting with Chris again and then, suddenly, Chris was gone and Brian was there. Justin zoned in on Brian's face and saw the shocked expression and a trickle of blood at the corner of the brunet’s mouth. The realization of what had actually happened came crashing down on him. 

“Oh God!” Justin exclaimed, scrambling across the bed towards Brian, ignoring the pain that had reestablished itself when his panic had faded. “I hurt you.” Justin declared brokenheartedly. 

“It’s nothing.” Brian assured him. 

“Nothing!” Justin practically shouted. “You’re bleeding. I hurt you. I hit you. I’m no better than him.” Justin mumbled. He wondered to himself if he was talking about Chris or about Jack. Two people he would never want to have anything in common with, especially not this.

“Justin, did you mean hurt me?” Brian asked. He knew if he was going to get anywhere with the other man, he would have to change his tactic. 

“Of course not.” Justin bellowed. His tone was at war with his fingers, which were softly soothing over the wound he had inflicted.

“Well, then why would I be mad about it?” Brian questioned. His first instinct had been to say, ‘why are you freaking out about it,’ but he figured that pointing out that Justin wasn’t acting rationally was not the right move.

“I…don’t know.” 

The confusion that meet Brian's question was palpable and he knew that his line of reasoning had worked. He turned his head into Justin's hand, allowing the other man to dote over him for a while. A few minutes later, Brian noticed that even though Justin's focus had not moved from him, the blond was increasingly shifting. The thought that Justin's injuries were being exacerbated by his position on the floor dawned on Brian, and he mentally kicked himself for allowing his lover to remain on the hard surface.

“My legs are falling asleep; I need to get off this floor.” Brian lied, knowing that he needed to get Justin off the floor, without making it about Justin's wounds.

“Oh, sure.” Justin quickly agreed.

Brian started to get up, carefully brushing Justin's hands away, as through Justin own extreme discomfort he still tried to help Brian. Once Brian had straightened, he helped Justin find his feet.

The two, in a silent agreement, crawled onto the bed and Brian held Justin securely in his arms. They got comfortable again, as much as they could with everything that flowed through their minds. Both were holding on to the other, wishing, praying that they could turn back time and that this could be like any of the other times they had lain in this exact position. Only this time, a shadow loomed over them and they knew that, even if they could manage to get to sleep, it would haunt them in their dreams and waking hours for the rest of their lives. 

“I’m sorry.” Justin sighed heavily as he drifted.

“Me too.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Even though it was late at night when the phone rang, it was snapped up before the second ring began. 

“Brian?” Jennifer’s concerned voice came across the line.

“I’ve got him.” Brian said, ignoring pleasantries while he answered the unspoken question.

“Is he alright?” she begged him for good news.

Her question was met with silence. Knowing she had her answer, tears that had dried during the wait to hear something renewed their trek down her face.  But regardless of the brutal fight to keep them contained, Jennifer held her sobs inside, knowing that Brian didn’t need anything else to deal with at that moment. 

Craig motioned to her when she was silent for a few minutes, wanting to know what was going on. It was killing him to not be able to hear what Brian was telling his ex-wife. It had been hard enough to allow ‘that man’ to leave when he had known where his son was, but the waiting had been excruciating. Now that Brian was on the phone, he had no more patience left and wanted to know what had happened to his son and how he was doing right now.

“I’m going to put you on speaker phone, so Craig can hear, too.” Jennifer announced as she was doing it, so Brian had no chance to refuse. 

“I don’t have a lot of time; I have to sleep while he does…if I can.” Brian grumbled. He was torn between wanting to tell her that Craig had given up the right to know what was going on with his son when he disowned and hit him and the thought of how he would feel if it was him and the information he was seeking was about Gus.

“What happened to Justin?” Craig asked, ignoring what Brian had said because he needed to know.

“That’s not for me to tell.” Brian said. 

He knew Justin wouldn’t want others to know what had happened to him, much less his homophobic father. Brian wondered if, when Craig did find out what had happened to Justin, if he ever did, he would blame Justin. If his hatred of fags would lead him to blame this horrific act on who Justin was. 

The thought made Brian's blood boil and as unreasonable as he knew it was, he knew that if Craig had been in front of him in that moment, he would have punched the fucker’s lights out for something he himself thought that the other man might think. Brian knew how fucked up that train of thought was, but he really just wanted to take all this anger and frustration out on someone. And Craig seemed like a great target.

“Okay…” Craig said. He swallowed that, even though he didn’t want to because something in Brian's voice told him he didn’t want to know. He did, of course, but he would wait until Justin was able to tell him, or at least until Brian wasn’t the only person Justin had. 

“Will he…be okay, at least?” Craig closed his eyes as he begged a positive answer from Brian, but they snapped back open when his brain tried to figure out what Brian wouldn’t tell him with graphic images.

“He…I…only time will tell.” Brian answered in the only way he could. 

The conversation continued for a few minutes, but neither side felt much better at the end of it. The only thing that Jennifer and Craig were relieved about when they hung up was their worry that Justin would be dead. They knew now that Brian had him and they didn’t have to worry about that anymore.  But Brian hadn’t been able to tell them much else, since he didn’t know a lot, and most of what he did know, he wouldn’t tell them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A few seconds after that call ended, another phone rang in a condo across Pittsburgh. In a similar way, the phone was snatched up as soon as it started ringing as the condo’s resident had been waiting for the call. The time that it came in was of no consequence. 

“Is he okay?” Cynthia asked as soon as she got the phone to her ear.

“Not really…” Brian gulped before finishing. “He’s not going to die if that’s what you’re asking.”

“It wasn’t.” she said flatly as she waited for Brian to tell her what was going on and what he needed from her. She held her legal pad in front of her already, knowing that Brian would need some of her special skills for this crisis. She would do anything she could to help him, and the little blond he was in love with, out. 

“He was…raped.” Brian breathed out so quietly it almost wasn’t heard on the other end of the line.

“Oh…My…God!” whispered more to herself than Brian. “Did he tell you who did it?” she asked. Her teeth were gritted while saying the question and she wanted to rip out the heart of the animal who had done this. She didn’t know Justin well, a phone call, a picture here and there but she knew her boss…her best friend, in a weird way, loved Justin and that was enough for her.

“He didn’t even tell me what happened.” Brian chuckled but there was no mirth in the sound.

“How do you know then?”

“It was…very obvious.” Brian snorted, the sight of Justin's body replanting itself in his mind, not that it had ever left. 

“Okay, what do you need me to do?” Cynthia asked in an all business tone. She could tell that talking about this was having a negative effect on Brian and wasn’t accomplishing anything. She felt the need to be doing something to help, and causing Brian more pain wasn’t helpful at all. 

“I need those hospital records. I need to know what they did, to what extent is he actually injured. You know, if they did a rape kit, all that stuff.” Brian told her, glad that they were on a different track now and that, just by telling Cynthia all this stuff, he was at least doing something. 

“I…I can’t get those.” She replied. She was upset that she couldn’t do this for Brian because she knew how much he needed that and because she just wanted to be able to help. “Only Justin can get those records now that he is over eighteen.”

“Okay, well, does he need to do anything specific to get them?”

“Just fill out some paperwork and there is a small fee for copying them. Do you think he will let you get his medical records?”

“I will worry about that. You get the paperwork and fill it out with the information in his file on my computer.” Brian ordered.

“Okay, next.” Cynthia stated when she had finished writing his instructions down. 

“I need you to find me a great rape therapist. He is going to need one, and fast. And I want you to scour the internet and find me everything you can about rape and the aftereffects. I need to know how to deal with him, how to help him heal.” Brian rattled off. He stared at Justin's sleeping form while he talked and wondered if anything would ever be the way it was again.

The conversation lasted for another couple of minutes, with Brian telling Cynthia to do everything he could think of. What he really wanted to have her do was fix Justin, to make it all better for him, but he knew that she couldn’t do that, so he entrusted her with the job of facilitating it. 

They hung up when Brian noticed Justin start thrashing in bed. He rushed over to try to snap Justin out of his dream, hoping that it would be the right thing to do and wouldn’t send his lover into an even bigger panic. Brian sighed in relief when just his touch and randomly murmured assurances calmed Justin. When all movement stopped and Brian was sure Justin was sleep, he whispered his wish for his lover. 

“I wish you could forget.”  



End file.
